Insanity at it’s finest.

Albert Einstein said the definition of insanity was doing something over and over again and expecting different results.

I must be insane then.

I’ve had a really tough few months, I’ve been extremely busy, worried about people, mentally taxed, and physically exhausted. I’m not saying any of these things are bad, they are a part of this thing called life. But I continue to do one thing over and over again in response to this chaos of existing.

I choose to get stressed. Yes, I said CHOOSE. I choose to make more lists. I freak out over scheduling. I wish there was less work and more time. And I….I ….I, I, I , I , I , i, i, i, i, i, i, ……………

i forget about HIM…

Stressing has never helped me, if anything it has made my life more daunting and overwhelming; and it makes me more scatterbrained and less focused.

However, the times I have set my eyes on the One who is the Author and Finisher of our faith, my life quiets, my heart stills, and I experience the incredible peace of the One who is ALWAYS there for me. 

The flip-side of my insanity:

When I look back at the crazy/scary/intimidating/overwhelming moments of my past. God has ALWAYS gotten me through, so why should this time be any different?

God keeps doing the same thing over and over again. He keeps calling me His child, He keeps guiding me through, He has brought me out of the darkness and confusion over and over again, yet in the midst of whatever trial I am in I turn to stress insanity, instead of faith. 

So Lord, 

Thank you for relieving me of the burden (yet again) of thinking I can do it myself, I can’t, However I CHOOSE to rely on the fact that You are for me and that hasn’t changed, isn’t changing, and will not change.

 

 

 

 

I trust Him

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”

This is one of my all time favorite quotes. I could talk your ear off about the many ways that I love this quote but, for now, am going to focus on one single line.

“You are a child of God.”

….what a powerful statement!

1 John 3:1 “See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are!” (NLT)

Every time I am reminded that I am God’s child, I have to pause for a moment. I have to pause because it still makes my soul flutter to remember that not only did God send His Son to die for me, but He claims me as one of His own!

And His greatness doesn’t stop there! Not only am I His child, His daughter, but He wants greatness for my life! He is a Father that wants great and wonderful things for the children that He loves. There is no limit. There is no limit on His goodness and no limit on how many He wants to be a Father to. There is no maximum occupation point for God’s family. All are welcome, and each person has puzzle piece perfect spot in the family of the Lord.

I may have no idea what my career will be after college, I have no idea about when I will get married, how many children I will have. I sometimes feel completely clueless about where exactly God is leading me right now, but I know I fit into His family, and when I rest in that, the rest doesn’t seem to matter as much.

Now the next part of the quote: “Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

I have seriously struggled with the decision to start this blog. On one hand I believe God has done a work in me, as He has done in many of you. I think my story/stories are to be shared because they tell of His greatness. And God has been nudging me about it for quite some time. However on the other hand, I feel like I am a terrible writer, my thought processes jump like crazy, I ramble, I get off on tangents, and, in my opinion I suck at tying points together to make one solid, fluid train of thought. I also didn’t want to start a blog simply because many people are now using this avenue of information and communication. I didn’t want to be simply following a trend. My mind also pondered the question of “who would read it anyway?” And then God whacked we upside the head with the story of Moses (I was actually watching Prince of Egypt, which is a great movie, the songs, story, etc, all great…..see what I mean about the rambling…..) Anyway, Moses at the burning bush, making excuses to God about not being equipped to do what the Lord asked of him. Saying he had a stutter, no one would listen, he was not a man of stature or gifted with public speaking…..let’s just say I was humbled reeeeaaal quick. God definitely knows how to put a person in their place. Or at the very least give a glimpse of the right direction.

I don’t know what God has in mind for this blog, and I have no idea what exactly He will lead me to write, all I know is He has called me to be a light, and He will be leading, and that’s good enough for me. (: